Ask a Dominant

Dealing with Financial Abuse from Your Dominant

Financial Abuse

Q: My Dominant asked me to give him a certain amount of money by a specific time. My friends say that I shouldn’t be giving him my money, but if not he will punish me. I have tried talking to him about it but he says he needs it for debts. What should I do?

A: Okay, let me start by asking, is this guy your Dominant or your pimp? Because these are NOT the same thing. But I’m just going to assume for the sake of argument, that he’s your Dominant.

Now, there are only a few instances where this would be even remotely okay:

  • You negotiated this before/when you became his submissive.
  • He is in fact, your pimp.
  • ‎You helped create the debt he’s talking about.
  • ‎You live together.

If none of these things are a factor, then this is financial abuse, and you need to kick his lame arse to the curb, and move on.

As far as his threatening to punish you if you don’t give him money, I’m pretty sure that this falls under emotional, physical, and financial abuse, none of which is behaviour that befits a Dominant – but a predatory nightmare. And no submissive needs that in their life.

If he were an actual Dominant, he would know that.

There is nothing wrong with helping your Dominant on occasion. However, you’re not supposed to be used as a crutch, let alone be threatened to be one. Any MAN worth his salt should want to do better. Even if they can’t, the want, desire, and ambition should be present. If he doesn’t display this in a proveable way, then you need to kick his lame arse to the curb, and move on.

And yes, I’m implying that he’s not really a man.

So your friends are absolutely right, you shouldn’t be giving him anything – especially if it’s become stressful to you. Remember that it’s YOUR money that YOU earned, and you don’t HAVE to give him anything.

Now, I understand that people fall on hard financial times, which makes people say or do some pretty dodgy shit. However, that’s no excuse for what this guy is doing.

To sum all of this up, he’s an abusive twat, that will likely do nothing more than sponge your pockets dry, and end things when you can’t give give him anything.

Don’t tell yourself that he asked you to do anything – he told you to do it. And like I said before, no submissive needs that in their life, and you can do so much better than that.

Ultimately, this guy is NOT worth your time, and is keeping you from finding a Dominant that is. As difficult as it may or may not be, you need to tell him fuck no, fuck off, kick his lame arse to the curb, and move on.

Here are some other articles that you might want to check out:

If he’s becoming violent at ALL, you need to get the police involved, and don’t be afraid to do so, either. If you need to chat with someone, you can also visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Hope this helps.

Dealing with Financial Abuse from Your Dominant

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  • Reply
    March 1, 2018 at 1:44 pm

    Have you ever gave your subs money for things?

  • Reply
    March 1, 2018 at 1:39 pm

    Great article! I have a question have your partners given you money before?

    • Reply
      Rajan Dominari
      March 1, 2018 at 3:52 pm

      Yes Sherry, my submissives have given me money before, but I’ve always made sure that I did something for them in return, because there’s a honour in that. For example, I helped one of my submissives move to her new flat and she gave me money for it.

  • Reply
    Kim Laney
    March 1, 2018 at 1:38 pm

    I love this post. Thank you for writing it. I really thought there was no way somebody else could be going through the same problem as me.

    • Reply
      Rajan Dominari
      March 1, 2018 at 3:50 pm

      Absolutely Kim. Thank you for reading, and I’m glad you found it helpful!

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