Q: My Dom currently has me wearing a collar most times at home or in public for small bouts of time. We are playing with the idea of not taking it off permanently, but I have a few hesitations because of my job. Any advice on this issue? I’m a male sub and we use a general chain and lock collar.
A: This is on of the biggest problems in a lot of communities. How the hell do you wear your collar to work without getting fired, or to the grocery store without getting harassed. The solution is really very simple: Hide your collar in plain sight!
Wearing, or having to wear your collar 24/7 without losing your job or getting persecuted by the vanilla world is surprisingly easy, and it all starts with CHOOSING the type of collar that fits your beautifully unique life.
Thick-banded, leather or PVC collars should NOT be a thing that you wear outside, unless you’re a submissive that never leaves the house. Lets face it, nothing screams BDSM louder than walking into a room wearing what appears to be either a dog collar, or part of a latex cat suit. Instead, opt for a collar that less conspicuous. The more a collar looks like a necklace, the less likely it will give you away.
Not to mention, leather and PVC 24/7 collars are hard as hell to keep clean, typically promote skin irritation when worn tight, don’t stand up to showers well, and tend to degrade rather quickly.
With this said, you want to choose a collar made from a durable metal, including Stainless Steel, Sterling Silver, Niobium, Titanium, or even gold. Aluminum is also a choice, but if you plan to tug on your collar this metal probably isn’t the best option. Just remember, your collar should look more like high fashion than high profile.
I’ve seen people add stones, beads, crystals, and other gems to their collars, which I suppose helps to camouflage them more.
Just in passing, be careful with the stainless steel you buy, though. You want to get a collar that uses 316L Stainless Steel – because anything else might rust.
Collar Your Wrist
Just about every submissive I’ve ever owned had a day job, attending university or something. For them, I gave bracelets or anklets that I in most cases, had made for them – and their workmates and/or classmates were none the wiser.
Now some of you may balk at the idea of giving a bracelet, however just because it isn’t around their neck, doesn’t make it any less a collar. The symbolism of your relationship doesn’t change. Moving on…
Compliment Your Wardrobe
Consider what you will be wearing with your collar. Does your wardrobe have mostly one colour (I like my submissives to wear certain colours – particularly red), or do you mix it up a lot. If you collar is going to have colour it in, make sure to choose something complimentary to your wardrobe. When in doubt, stick to neutral colours for every day wear.
Locks of Love
For some couples, trifectas, households, etc, locks are a big part of the collaring experience. For them, without the lock, the collar is just a pretty piece of jewelry. So if you’re from that particular camp, and you NEED to have the lock, choose it wisely – especially if the lock will be in front. You want to look for a lock that resembles a pendant, rather than bulky shackle-type padlocks.
If you are wearing the lock at the back, consider the size of the lock verses the weight of the collar. No one wants to pull down the front of an ill-balanced collar every fifteen minutes.
Finally, another way you can hide a lock to to have it engraved. Adding a simple image or inscribing a name not only makes it highly personal and unique, it also instantly turns any lock from a vanilla nightmare to a affectionate symbol of your fairy tale romance.
So what do you think? How do you wear your collar? Do you think that vanillas would even give a damn if they saw you? Leave a comment and let me know.