Q: My dom is more into pain than I am. I want to be able to take more to make him happy. I also really like seeing the bruises and marks after, but I have a hard time making it through spankings and things to get them. Any advice on how to handle the pain better?
A: Pain tolerance is something you’ll need to build up over a long period of time. There are tricks — deep breathing, repeating a manta, and repeating in your head that this is for your Dom. Think of it like exercise. You can’t expect to run a marathon without training, and handling pain is the same way. At the core of it all, pain is a stressor and form of trauma. You may not ever get to the point of enjoying the sensation, but you can get to the point of tolerating it better.
“You can’t expect to run a marathon without training, and handling pain is the same way.”Click to tweet
Personally, I used to distract my submissive when we would play, which I found was worse for her than focusing on the sensation — which is something that she needed to get to sub-space. So I don’t do that much anymore, and I think that it works pretty well.
I also suggest trying different kinds of pain, if you can. Perhaps you’re just sensitive to stingy pain, but you enjoy thuddy pain more. There could possibly be a specific toy you like, because your body responds to it more. At the end, it’s up to your Dom as to how you play, but it’s something you might consider bringing up.
Finally, I suggest that you just be patient with yourself and your body — You’ll get there. Good luck!